No Depression
by swartzvald
Summary: Ukyo wants Ryoga.....to beat Ranma. First story of anykind, anywhere, ever. Fear. complete.
1. The last dance

**No Depession**

**Chapter the First:**

**The Last Dance**

* * *

Ukyo sighed as she stood in the doorway of the Ucchan's. She'd forgotten how hard it was running the restaurant by herself. With Konatsu running the other store in Juban, it was once again just her, but in business as in life you could only move forward, the past was immutable as stone. At the thought of stone a memory surfaced, memories of him, his body and how it had looked and felt and could make her feel.

"No," she mumbled softly in a vain attempt to stop the forthcoming flood of painful recollections, a gentle caress, a smile, a look, his smell, a strangely appealing mix of sweat, and pine. She choked back a sob as she remembered the last time she saw him, the look of pain and betrayal that haunted her dreams.

She paused, collected herself, shut and bolted the door and went up to her bedroom, her cold, lonely bedroom. She started to break down again.

"No!" She had to be strong. He would come back, he had to, so she could apologize and explain… tell him how she felt. Then it wouldn't matter what she had done. They would be happy together. She allowed herself to cry.

"Ryoga…" she whispered into her pillow "Please come back."

_Three months previous…_

It had been a beautiful ceremony, Ryoga admitted to himself. Akane had looked radiant, like an earthbound angel. Even that bastard Saotome couldn't deny that, not that he would want to. He loved her after all. Ryoga sighed; he really should bury the hatchet with Ranma. Not today though, maybe when they get back from the honeymoon, today he needed the…not anger exactly, he wasn't sure what to call it, but that, whatever it was, and the wet bar, were all that kept him from vaporizing the reception hall. He wasn't alone, this had to be the sulkiest wedding ever. A hand on his shoulder shook him out of his brooding.

"Hey, Wallflower," slurred a VERY drunk Ukyo Kuonji "You wanna dance?" As bad as the wedding had been for him he knew with iron clad certainty that it had been at least three orders of magnitude worse for Ranma's 'best man'.

"Ukyo," He said "Are you okay?"

"Okay? R'oga-hon my bes' friends jus' go' married, YAY!" she sort of raised her glass in salute spilling some wine, "Why wouldn' I be okay." Ryoga gave her a concerned glance, then shrugged, who was he to judge anybody.

"C'mon, R'oga-chan, I wanna dance wit s_h_omebody before this_h_ is over, 'sides gotta, prop-prop- thing I wanna as_h_k you." He nodded to indicate that she should continue.

"Not now, latr' whn' I'm s_h_ober," she glanced from side to side the, picture of drunken paranoia, "and there_sh_ not so many ear_sh_."

"If this is another 'break up Ranma and Akane' plan you're a bit late."

"No, it_sh_ not one of tho_sh_ it_sh_ a totally new and original plan" she sobered slightly, "Now are you gonna dan_sh _or am I gonna hav' to break your leg_sh_?"

"Ok, Ok." he replied, and took her tentatively into his arms. Then the last song of the night started, normally one would expect he last song to be something upbeat but the band had picked up on the mood of the evening and went into a slow mournful ballad in the style of Tom Waits, kind of like the opening theme for Neia under seven, but different enough to avoid legal action. Ryoga led Ukyo slowly around the floor knowing that when the music stopped life as they knew it would change. About half way through Ukyo started to cry into his shoulder, he knew it was going to happen, he just wasn't sure who would break first, he was kind of hoping it would be him. Vaguely remembering his mother doing something similar he rubbed her back in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

"Uh… there, there?" he said and not receiving a response, continued hesitantly, "there are plenty of um... fish in the err... Sea?" she looked at him and by her expression he could tell that the next thing he said would determine how he ended the evening, on his feet like a man or in a bag, like a thing that used to be a man but due to excessive blunt trauma more closely resembled pate'du foie gras.

"um, what I mean is that a cute, no a beautiful girl like you shouldn't have any trouble finding a great guy, not jerk like Ranma, someone who will appreciate you and …Ack," he had been babbling with absolutely no idea how to stop, luckily Ukyo did it for him.

"Oh R'oga." she hugged him tightly around the neck nuzzling her face into the crook of his shoulder. The tsunami of primal want/need from his id was deftly fielded by the ego and super-ego and relayed to the conscious mind as 'Ukyo smells nice'.

She was also soft and warm, he mused as he comforted the sobbing chef, after a few minutes she managed to pull herself together and separate from him.

"Sor'y, I've been hollin' tha' in f'r sho long,"she sniffled, "I dinn'a wanna spoil th' wedding for them." She sniffed again and Ryoga handed her a bandana, she wiped her eyes, blew her nose and started to return it.

"Keep it." He said wryly. Ukyo smiled sadly and put it away.

The song wound up and the staff started cleaning up the mess. Ryoga and Ukyo stood together at the front of the building.

"Well," said Ryoga, "I guess I'll see you around…"he started to walk off in some random direction. He hadn't gone more than ten feet when she started sobbing again. She sounded so piteous and forlorn that he couldn't bring himself to leave her like that.

"Ukyo?" no response, "Ukyo? Are you alright? Why are you crying?" he felt stupid asking this, he knew it was Ranma, it was always Ranma. So he was quite surprised when she answered;

"You're leaving. E'vrbody leaves me," she paused and coughed a little then started counting on her fingers, "Momma left me, Ran-chan left me, I foun' him a'gn, buh t'hn he left me a'gn." With this she slumped down to the ground. " 'natsu left me."

"When did Konatsu leave?" Ryoga interrupted.

"Las' w'k, snt' hi' to ruh new store in Juban, an'way nah 'portant, plu_sh_ it's ru' ta inerup, j'kass.

"Sorry."

"S'ah'rgt, jus' don' do it 'gin" she started to sway slightly, "buh' now y'r leavin' too, an I don' know whatta do." She started crying harder. "Why d's evr'bdy leave me R'oga?"

Ryoga sat down next to her, put his arm around her shoulders and just let her cry until she fell asleep.

* * *

Last week I sent him to run a new store in Juban, but that's not important, plus it's rude to interupt, Jackass.

It's alright just don't do it again.

* * *

**Ugh, that's enough of that, anywho that's chapter one, next time; A Man, A Plan, and something else that ends in '-an'. Don't hold you're breath.**

**This fic brought to you by the last five songs on Slippage: an album by a band I'm sure you never heard of called Slobberbone look it up, good stuff.**

**Oh, by the way I don't own Ranma1/2**


	2. A Man, A Plan, and somthing else

**No Depression **

**Chapter the Second:**

**A Man, A Plan and something else ending in '-an'**

* * *

"No!" Ukyo woke with a start. She had been having the most horrible dream. She had been tied to a chair and Ranma was listing all the reasons he didn't marry her and after every point Akane would slap her across the face with a fish.

It seemed silly now.

She groaned. She felt terrible, her head was pounding like a jackhammer and her mouth felt like something had crawled into it and died. She desperately wanted to go back to sleep but she knew from experience that once awake it was nearly impossible. Sighing, she looked around. This was not her room, further examination revealed that she was in a tent; why this was she couldn't say. She looked down, she was still wearing her tux from last night, which was wrinkled and reeked of booze.

There went her deposit.

Sighing again she apprehensively unzipped the front flap of the tent. Across the entrance lay Ryoga, as if on guard, or as on guard as one could be when curled up into a ball. She considered him for a moment, she hadn't been very nice to him, always yelling at him, hitting or bossing him around, using him for her own ends, she had always felt a little guilty about it afterwards but it was for his own good. She thought he knew that and didn't hold it against her; after all he kept coming back, didn't he? Some of the previous night came back to her. She had gotten wasted and cried herself to sleep on his…well, him.

'I guess he tried to take me home,' she thought, 'I wonder where we are.' The area looked kind of familiar. Then it clicked, and her eyes widened in surprise; this was the vacant lot behind her restaurant, he had actually gotten to where he wanted to go! She stooped over to wake him up and ask him, but stopped when she caught a look at his face.

'He's actually not too bad looking, and he was really sweet last night.' she caught herself thinking and felt something stirring within her. 'Rebound,' she thought, shaking her head. It was too soon to be sure if these were her real feelings or just a…well, _thing_. She needed time to get herself sorted out before starting all that love business again. She decided to let him sleep and went in search of aspirin, mouthwash and some clothes that didn't smell like Johnny Walker Red.

Ukyo emerged thirty to forty-five minutes later feeling much better, still not good, but bearable.

"Hey Ryoga! Time to get up! Breakfast!" He didn't move. She walked over and gently prodded him with her foot. No response. She prodded a little harder. Still nothing. She reared back to kick him, but at the last second he moved and she almost fell over backwards.

"Grrr." Ukyo growled, frustrated; it was time for drastic measures. She sat down next to his head and put her hands over his nose and mouth. He awoke soon after.

"Ah, good, you're awake," she said calmly. Ryoga goggled at her while gasping for breath. She continued. "Breakfast is ready if you want any." Then she went back inside.

A few minutes later Ryoga followed her. Breakfast was quite simple; frozen waffles, some eggs, and microwave bacon. It was eaten quickly and quietly. Ukyo because she still had a bit of a hangover, Ryoga because he was still seven tenths asleep. Finally Ukyo broke the silence.

"Um… Ryoga," she paused, considering which of her many questions to ask.

"Why were we camping in my backyard?"

"I couldn't find your keys."

Ukyo nodded. That was a pretty good reason. Moving on. "How did you get there without getting lost?"

"One of the cleaning crew called something called a 'cab'. Did you know that if you give them money they'll take you anywhere you want?" He said, voice filled with childlike wonder. Ukyo rolled her eyes, and then noticed his plate.

"Hey, you didn't have any bacon." Now that she thought about it she'd never seen him eat any pork in all the time she'd known him. He looked at her with fear in his eyes. She took a wild guess.

"Ryoga, are you Jewish?"

He face faulted.

"No!"

"Oh, sorry, I thought what with the guilt…." She let the sentence hang. After a few moments he spoke up.

"Look, I'm a pig, alright?"

"No," she protested, "you've always been very polite and respectful." 'When we weren't screaming at each other' she added mentally.

"No, you don't get it, I'm an actual pig. I have a Jusenkyo curse." He explained. Something clicked in her head.

"P-chan!"

He looked miserable.

"You're P-chan, aren't you?"

He nodded. 'Now comes the screaming and the hitting' he thought. Ukyo was about to do just that when she was struck with an image; her crying with her head in his lap while he stroked her hair and made soothing noises.

She stopped.

"Why?" She asked.

"Huh?" He replied intelligently.

"Why did you do that to Akane?"

"It's not like what you're thinking, I never touched her or looked at her or took any kind of advantage of her!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"It's true!"

"Okay, okay, get on with it."

"There was a fight with Ranma and I got wet and she just picked me up and it was just so **_nice._**" His eyes took on a dreamy, glazed over appearance. "I just couldn't help myself."

"So that's why you were so fixated on Akane?"

"Pretty much."

"Huh." She grunted thoughtfully. After a few minutes, Ukyo thinking and Ryoga just staring at the table locked into shame mode, Ukyo spoke.

"Uh… Ryoga?"

"Yes?"

"I just had a thought."

"Congratulations."

She ignored the jab and continued. "How much does your curse influence you?"

"Huh?" was his elegant reply.

"How much influence does the pig mind have when you're human?" Ryoga paled.

"None, I hope."

"It's generally agreed that pets feel some affection for their owners, right?"

"Y-e-s." he said, drawing the word out. He wasn't sure he liked where this was going.

"Could it be that your, uh…" She tried to think.

"Obsessive, single-minded devotion?" He supplied.

"Infatuation," countered Ukyo.

Ryoga shrugged. "Okay."

"…is a symptom of the curse. The pig mind is transferring the affection the pig feels for the person that feeds it and takes care of it to your human mind which interprets it as a romantic feeling."

Ryoga blinked. Then he opened his mouth to respond, then stopped, shut his mouth and started to glow.

"It was all a lie." He said very softly. Ukyo could barely hear him.

Then at the top of his lungs: "ALL A LIE!"

Ukyo started to panic. "No! Ryoga, wait, stop, It's just a theory, oh god, not in the restaurant!" She looked around for her spatula. 'Shit, its upstairs'

"Perfect Shi-Shi-"

'OH SHIT!" she thought

"Hoku- +POW+ she punched him in the face.

"Huh?" he stopped.

"FuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK!" chanted Ukyo clutching her hand and wincing in pain. Ryoga, suddenly concerned, ran over to her.

"Let me see."

"No! It's your fault."

"I know some First Aid, and besides, _you_ hit _me_."

"Only because you were going to explode my restaurant."

"Well…okay, then, yeah, it _is_ my fault. Now let me see." She tentatively held out her hand. Right away he noticed the purple bruise and swelling around the middle finger.

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

"AH! Fuck!"

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Well?" she asked peevishly.

"I think it's dislocated, I'll try to put it back. Hey! Is that Ranma?"

"What? Where? Aaaagh!"

"Sorry. You might want to put some ice on that."

"…"

"What?"

"Stay right there." She said icily. She went upstairs, and came back down again carrying something behind her back.

"Close your eyes." She said.

He did.

CLANG+CLANG+CLANG+CLANG+CLANG+CLANG+CLANG+

WHOOSH+WHOOSH+WHIPANG+NG+NG

"Whew." Ukyo took a deep breath and wiped her forehead.

"Thanks Ryoga, I feel so much better." She went to give him a kiss on the cheek but in his dazed state he moved his head a bit to the side and their lips sort of brushed together. Ryoga feinted.

Ukyo blinked, then she blinked again. That was unexpected. Not bad, no, not bad at all. She looked down and sighed. This could complicate things.

Ranma's decision had hurt her greatly, that she had seen it coming had softened the blow somewhat, from soul-shattering to "merely" very painful. She thought that the worst of it was over now, last night had been very cathartic, and for some reason having Ryoga around helped. If for no other reason than that he was a key part of her latest plan; **_VENGEANCE!!!_**

She grimaced at the thought. It sounded so melodramatic, she didn't want much revenge, it hardly qualified for italics, much less capitalized italics, she still wanted to be friends afterwards. But after all he put her through she couldn't just let it go. When she had seen Ryoga at the reception it had all come together. Ranma hated to lose, especially to Ryoga. She remembered the Shi-Shi Hokodan incident, that had not been one of Ranma's better moments. She grinned a little to herself, something like that would be perfect. Ranma would lose, she would get some payback, hell, Ryoga might even crack a smile. An occurrence as rare and fleeting as Halley's Comet. She would have to try to get a picture. 'Plus, I can screw Ryoga's brains out, I bet with his endurance he could go all night, the next day and probably part of the day after that as well.' Mwa-ha-ha! She caught herself rubbing her palms together.

"Whoa," she thought "where did that come from?" She couldn't have feelings for him, could she? This was Ryoga! She was supposed to be using him, for his own good of course, he was a means to an end, a tool, a sexy, sexy tool. She sighed, she'd been doing that a lot lately. Maybe he could be a multi-purpose tool, no reason she couldn't eat her cake and have him, uh, it too. This definately bore further thought, but later. Right now she needed to get Ryoga on board and before that she needed to get some things. She scribbled out a quick note, taped it to his forehead and left.

* * *

**A/N: As far as I know, I'm the first person to do the Ryoga=Jewish joke, I wonder why? It's sooo obvious.**

**Thanks to Ninnik Nishukan for her(?) help without which most of the middle bit would have been cut. Any lateness should be attributed to my busy work schedule and _not _because I was playing Rumble Roses XX obsessively(mmm..Reiko)**


	3. ch3 She Blinded me with science

Do I own Ranma?

oh, I didn't mention it before but they're like 19-20 in this.

**No Depression**

**Chapter the Third**

** She BLINDED me with SCIENCE!**

* * *

Ryoga awoke to whiteness.

"AAA! I'm blind, I'm- oh wait never mind." he read the note.

Ryoga~,

Went to get some things

I have something to ask you.

**Don't break anything!**

~Ukyo

'That's almost (a) haiku' he thought, he wondered what she wanted. Probably has something to do with that plan she mentioned last night, "totally new and original" she said. Might as well hang around and see what she wants, what else did he have to do. Besides, he liked Ukyo. She was a girl, but... not. He'd have to think of a better way to put that, anyway, he could talk to her without blushing and stuttering all over the place, as was his usual way of addressing the fairer sex. Like Akane. He frowned at that, stupid pig, making him think he loved her. Ukyo had said it was only a theory, but the more he thought about it the more he was sure she was right. It sounded like something that would happen to him. He had been a pig when he fell for her. They had met earlier that day and she hadn't seemed like anything special. Dammit, how was he supposed to know the difference between Pig love and Real love? This could seriously affect any future relationships he would have. Ryoga had always been one to follow his instincts, his gut, if you will, and now it seemed that he had a smaller, secondary gut influencing his main gut. He sighed. It was all so...depressing. He could feel it building up, demanding release. 'Should probably do something about that.' he thought.

Say what you will about the Shi-Shi Hokudan, but it always made him feel better. The surrounding landscape was not so fortunate.(Unknown to Ryoga several paranormal journals had run articles on the strange blast sites that appeared, seemingly at random throughout Asia. A few noted the apparent connection to the mysterious "Bandanna Man". One especially thorough journalist noted that if the sites were connected in the correct order they spelled out "Where the hell am I now!" in Ancient Sumerian, he was promptly fired.) He eventually made his way to the lot where they had spent the night. He carefully took down the tent, rolled up the sleeping bag he had let Ukyo use, he made a mental note to get it cleaned, the alcohol smell was a bit overpowering. After carefully stowing his gear he went to the side furthest from Ucchan's, checked the surrounding area and upon seeing that it was clear he concentrated his feelings into a ball and let them go.

"Shi-Shi-Hokudan!" +_FOOM_+

The lot now included a medium sized pond, or would after the next rain. Ryoga went back inside to wait for Ukyo.

She returned a few hours later, looking upset and grumbling about chauvinistic salesmen and overprotective assault laws. Showing uncharacteristic wisdom he decided to leave her alone until she cooled off.

"RYOGA!" so much for that.

"Y-yes?" he answered hesitantly.

"Oh good, you're still here." he made a grumpy face.

"I'm not that bad!" he insisted. She gave him a look, then continued.

"I've got something for you." She pulled a black plastic object, roughly the size of an eyeglass case out of her pocket.

"This is for you." she handed it to him with great solemnity. He took it gingerly, like a rare a precious thing. Which in a way, it was, he could count all the times girls had given him presents on the fingers of one foot.

"Thank you." he turned it over in his hands. It was heavier than it looked, a metaphorical weight that had little to do with empirical measurement. The heavy gage plastic had the feel of something crafted rather than merely manufactured, much like a swiss watch. There was a button on one side. He pressed it and the device opened smoothly with a sturdy sounding 'snikt' noise, revealing a small keypad and LCD screen. This was a serious bit of kit.

"What is it?" he asked, not looking up.

"The I.L.L. FC 5000g satellite communications relay with built in G.P.S. Tracking and Navigation, it's crushproof, shockproof, E.M.P. shielded and waterproof up to 500 meters. It contains a Smart map(TM) feature that locates your position on the earth and downloads the appropriate maps from an orbiting satellite, guaranteed accurate to within 2 meters, but it doesn't work indoors or underground, so you're on your own there."she stopped and took a breath.

"What do you think?" he looked up from the device.

"What is it?" he asked.

Ukyo pinched the bridge of her nose.

"It's a phone that tells you where you are."

"Wow!," he exclaimed "How does it work?"

"Press 'find' to activate the map feature, otherwise it works like a regular cell phone."

Ryoga was dumbfounded. He stared at her. She stared back, the look in his eyes made her happy and sad and not just a little bit uncomfortable.

"What?" she asked

"Ukyo...I, I don't know what to say, I mean, I don't, nobody ever," he stopped, closed his eyes and tried to collect himself

"Thank you," he said, "No one's ever tried to help me like this before." his gaze held such an intensity of emotion that she had to look away.

"Well..." she started, blushing down at her feet in a display of uncharacteristic shyness. "nothing is too good for my new training partner." she raised her eyes to gage his reaction.

Ryoga looked confused, then angry, then confused again.

"Huh?" he concluded.

"It's not a gift, so much as a bribe." she replied a little shamefacedly, (a/n is that a word?)she hadn't thought he would take it like that, he looked... disappointed and maybe a little bit hurt.

"For what?" he said coldly. She winced a little at his tone.

"I, I, I want you to stay." she blurted out.

"Why?"

'So you can beat Ranma' said the logical part of her brain.

'Cause I want to see if what I felt earlier was real' said the emotional part of her brain.

'Cause you're a hot piece of ass.' said the neglected lustful part of her brain.

"'Cause you're a-" she caught herself and blushed some more. "um... what I mean is that I think we can help each other. I've been kind of slacking off lately, I think my art has gotten about as far as I can take it on my own, and you could help me take it to the next level," She lowered her eyes and smiled shyly (Girl-Fu Stance # 34) "and I think I can help you with some of your issues as well."

"What issues?"

"Your, you know, control issues."

"What control issues?" Ukyo was getting a little angry

"Not having any?" she said, one eyebrow raised. Ryoga was a bit upset by that.

"I've got plenty of control." he pouted.

"Uh-Huh." she replied skeptically, "You have so much control you nearly blew up my restaurant this morning."

"That was different I just found out that the last four years of my life were based on a lie!" Ukyo thought about that for a moment.

"Yeah, I'll give you that one, but whenever you fight Ranma you're all over the place, yelling and destroying stuff, it's kind of scary."

"Ranma's different, he just makes me so...grrr, just talking about it makes me angry." She smiled a little.

"Yeah, he has that effect on a lot of people. You can't let that control you though, you can use your emotions without them using you." Ryoga was intrigued

"And how do you propose to do this?"

"I have no idea." Ryoga face faulted "don't be like that, I'll think of something."

* * *

A**/N: not really fully cooked but I'm tired of looking at it. sorry it took so long but my hard drive got wiped, and all this other shit happened. so troublesome. now leave a damn review dammit.**

**There's a reference to the Excel Saga manga in there somwhere, see if you can find it**


	4. Ogleing

**No Depression**

**Chapter the fourth**

**Ogling**

* * *

"Yah!" Ryoga parried the weak spatula strike with his umbrella. Ukyo just barely missed dodging the counter-strike.

"Oof!" She grunted as she spun to the ground. She tried to get back to her feet, but only made it to her hands and knees.

"I think that's enough for today." Ryoga said, concerned. Ukyo didn't look so good.

"It's starting to get dark." He reasoned in the face of her furious glare, the effect of which was only slightly diminished by an alarming coughing fit. He watched as she collapsed forward into a hacking, wheezing little ball. He quickly knelt down next to her and with gentle pressure ran his hands across the underside of her ribs. She immediately started to breathe easier.

"Pressure points," He said in response to her unvoiced question. Ukyo slowly started to catch her breath. She was in a bit of awe, three hours of sparring and he was barely sweating. She knew it was unreasonable, but she was angry at him for being THAT much better than her— AND he had been HOLDING BACK!

If she wasn't so tired she'd...do...something, and then he'd be sorry.

He hoped she hadn't noticed him holding back— sometimes that got taken the wrong way. She had impressed him, she really had. She was quick and smart and had nearly perfect control of her weapon. The spatula was surprisingly versatile. In addition to its bludgeoning abilities (with which he was intimately familiar), it also possessed a fair cutting edge.

Ukyo was a different kind of fighter than he was used to. She was a weapons user for one, but the biggest difference was that she was more strategic, she would plan several moves ahead. What he, and to a lesser extent, Ranma, did was largely instinctual; act—react sort of stuff, it wasn't something you could teach, it just happened. If he could learn from Ukyo to think like she did and combine that with his own considerable physical gifts...

His train of thought was violently derailed by the sight that greeted him as he turned to check on Ukyo. She was still breathing heavily but that wasn't what caught his attention. At some point she had undone the front of her shirt, probably to try and cool off, it was a warmish day and she was sweating like a pi-, thing that sweats a lot (A/N-pigs don't sweat). Well, long story short, Ukyo didn't bind her breasts anymore. His eyes were glued to the way her blue sports bra moved as she breathed; up, down, up, down. Ukyo had breasts! Nice ones too, not too big, not too small, just right. What was the old saying? More than a handful...something, something, he couldn't remember. Then it hit him like a sack full of doorknobs; Ukyo plus Breasts equals Girl. Ukyo was a girl! He was training with a girl!

He surreptitiously checked his nose.

Of course she was a girl, he'd known that for years, ever since that first fight when Ranma...

He felt faint.

Thankfully Ukyo had caught her breath by then. She rose with a groan and walked around collecting her throwing spatulas, giving him time to clear his head, which he wasted by watching her bend over.

She knew he was watching her. Not that he was very subtle about it. It was the wide eyes and the slack jaw that gave it away. She grinned a bit to herself and wondered why that didn't bother her. In any case she put a bit more...y'know, _flirt_, into her movements. She sighed as she picked up the last throwing spatula. Man, she was tired; she wondered if Ryoga was up to cooking something.

"Hey, Ryoga." He startled guiltily at that, and she chuckled inwardly. He was so cute. "I'm beat, do you mind fixing dinner?"

"N-no, that's fine." He said while rubbing the back of his neck.

He made instant ramen while Ukyo took a shower. She didn't see the point of getting dressed again just to eat cup ramen, so she just changed into her pajamas.

Ryoga nearly choked on his tongue when she came out clad only in girlie boxers and an oversize T-shirt that read _Okonomiyaki-con 2004. _She chuckled inwardly at his reaction, and then continued on as if she hadn't noticed.

After a few moments of chopstick noises and chewing, Ryoga spoke.

"S-so what's been going on around here? Since the engagement I mean?"

"Let me think, hmmm..." Ukyo put some noodles in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. "Oh, Mousse finally beat Shampoo." Ryoga raised an eyebrow, and she continued, grinning, "He totally kicked her ass, too! One minute she was vertical, calling him stupid and weak, you know, like she does, the next she was horizontal! God, it was funny! I nearly wet myself!" She laughed long and loud, eventually winding down.

"She should be out of the hospital by now." She finished, wiping a tear from her eye. "Uh...what else? There have been some Nabiki/Kuno sightings, but nothing concrete...and aside from that, things have been pretty quiet." She paused to eat another mouthful of noodles.

"What's been happening with you? The last I heard, you were shacked up with that Akari girl." He looked uneasy and fidgeted in his seat.

"What? Did she dump you or something?" He nodded and sobbed.

"Oh Ryoga," she took hold of his hand, unconsciously stroking it with her thumb."I'm so sorry."

"No," he said, "it's okay" he tilted his head toward the ceiling and tried to regain control.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he sighed.

"I guess I should..."

Ryoga then proceeded to spill his guts. He told her about the random cold water attacks, the emotional blackmail(If you really love me you'll...) the horrible pigs, the knock-down drag-outs, the horrible pigs, the endless couples counseling, and of course, the horrible pigs, and putting up with it all because he didn't think anyone else would want him. As she listened Ukyo was struck by the irony of it all, that someone so physically indestructible was so vulnerable emotionally.

"...And finally when she told me that she had found someone else it was just such a relief, it was the worst six months of my life."

"Wait, six months? When did all this happen?"

"Three and a half years ago." She wavered back and forth between sympathy and exasperation.

"And you've been carrying this around all this time?"

"Well who am I gonna tell? I don't have that many friends, and trees don't much care." She shook her head and sighed.

"What am I going to do with you?" Ryoga just shrugged, not aware that he was hers to deal with in the first place.

Later that evening she was preparing his futon. She had just finished a frustrating "discussion" of their sleeping arrangements. Ukyo wanted him to sleep in her room, ostensibly so she could keep an eye on him. That in and of itself was not his problem. The problem was Ukyo's bedroom, specifically it's size. It wasn't very large, two people sharing the room would have to be quite friendly with one another. This, of course bothered Ryoga a great deal. Ukyo didn't see what the problem was. After sufficient browbeating he relented and went to the shower to sulk. She busied herself with the futon, it was a bit musty but it would do.

'He sure has been in the shower for a long time' she thought. After knocking on the door she called out:

"Ryoga? Are you alright in there?"

"Bweee!" was the reply.

"Ryoga?" she asked, opening the door.

"Oh, what a +CUTE+ little piggie!" In the shower set a shivering little black piglet with a disgruntled air about it.

'Right,' she thought 'the curse'

"Sorry, the water heater's old." she turned off the water and started drying him "I'll go heat some water." she said, carrying him into her small kitchenette. Setting him on the counter top she filled a glass with water and put it in the microwave. The buzzer buzzed and she tested the water with her finger, seeing that it was hot, but not too hot she tipped a bit onto the pig.

Her eyes went wide and she jumped back a few feet as the pig turned back. All coherent thought was blasted from her head as she beheld naked Ryoga in all his glory.

"Uh." speculated the logical part of her brain.

"Um." contributed the emotional part of her brain.

"Whoo-hoo!" opined the slightly less neglected lustful part of her brain.

She let loose a strangled 'eep' and quickly turned away, Ryoga made a similar noise, attempted to cover himself and fell off the counter. Ukyo realized she was still holding the towel and threw it back over her shoulder to the floundering lost boy. He snatched it from the air, quickly wrapped it around himself and bolted from the room.

Ukyo took a deep breath, held it for a second, then exhaled slowly. She just saw Ryoga naked. She paused in thought. He'd filled out since she had seen him last, she still remembered him as a scrawny, malnourished teenager, now look at him, the boy was a tank, he positively bulged with finely wrought muscle. It stirred something within her. Long suppressed hormones surged forth, running wildly down seldom used mental corridors, flipping switches and pulling levers with gleeful abandon. She felt flush, wondered why and went to stop Ryoga from running off into the night.

Ryoga couldn't sleep. If he had been anyone else it would have been because of unfamiliar surroundings, but this was Ryoga, he was intimately familiar with unfamiliar surroundings. No, his discomfort was due to the proximity of a certain Okonamiyaki chef. What was her angle? Why was she letting him stay here? Was she his friend or was she running some kind of scheme? He suspected the latter but hoped for the former. His musings were interrupted by Ukyo moaning in her sleep.

"no..." she murmured, "no...stop" she started slowly thrashing from side to side. He moved over next to her "no...Ranma...no...not red snapper."

He reached over to shake her awake when she suddenly grabbed his wrist and rolled over, pulling him into a 'spooning' position, clutching his arm to her chest like a teddy bear. He lay there stunned for a few minutes before failing to extricate himself. She had quite a grip. Eventually he resigned himself to whatever fate awaited him.

"mmm...warm." she murmured.

* * *

**A/N: ... what? Thats totally plauseable +ahem+ I would like to thank ninnik and, in a strange twist, my mother, for their help with the Akari thing. next time,**

**"Lemon? _Tropical fruit of an unverified nature._" **

**God help us all.**


	5. Lemon? tropical fruit of an unverified n

What?

August?

No way is it August, it only just turned June about...

8...

weeks...

...ago

Fuck.

**No Depression**

**Chapter the Fifth:**

**Lemon? _Tropical fruit of an unverified nature._**

Ranma1/2 is only one of a vast number of things I do not own

* * *

Ukyo contentedly floated in a sea of warmth. She eventually came to be in that blissful state of being known as "awake enough to know you're asleep". She was aware of being held. No one had held her like this since she was little. It was nice. She could feel his hand on her stomach. It was definitely a man's hand. Nature would not be so unkind as to give such large hands to a woman. Her first thought was of Ranma, but that wasn't right, he was supposed to be on his honeymoon, doing things she'd rather not visualize. Then through the hazy veil of sleep she remembered.

'Oh, yeah, Ryoga'

It was funny, anytime their little group paired off she was always stuck with him. Perhaps the universe was trying to tell her something. She snuggled back into him. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. He shifted in his sleep, bringing the hand on her stomach upwards cupping her breast. Her first instinct was to scream and hit him, but that would mean leaving this wonderful cocoon of warmth.

She slowly became aware of a growing heat in her lower abdomen. Seemingly of it's own accord her hand started to move downward, toward her, um...area, and proceeded to perform certain...actions. Repeatedly, and with increasing urgency, for quite some time. As she neared climax, the hand on her breast contracted, giving it a gentle squeeze. The extra sensation pushed her over the edge. The heat intensified and spread throughout her entire body, she shuddered and bit her lip as she rode out the wave of pleasure. She lay there for awhile, quietly content in the afterglow. After a few, maybe ten minutes, she jerked awake.

'Did I just...'

She had.

"Ukyo no hentai." she whispered.

She cast a fearful glance towards the Lost boy, good he was still asleep. She had no idea how she would explain herself should he become aware of her 'activities'. What was she thinking, apart from the obvious. Was she _lusting_ after Ryoga? She reviewed her recent behavior and frowned. It sure seemed like it. That couldn't be right, she looked, really looked, at him. She had to admit, to herself at least, that she was attracted to him, but how much of that was because he was Ryoga, as opposed to just being an available male was open to speculation. Was she so distraught over Ranma's decision that any unattached man looked good? She decided to experiment, she began to visualize all the males in her age group that she had anything to do with on a regular basis. Kuno, vague contempt, so no. Tsubasa, shudder, feelings of nausea, definite no, thank god. Konotsu, platonic friendship, no. Those two guys Ranma hung around with, nothing, no opinion one way or the other. Okay, the big one, Ryoga, a certain base carnal attraction, some sympathy, need more data, hmmm, wait and see. She sighed. That was...helpful? Frustrated, she got dressed and went to prepare for the breakfast crowd.

As usual the work let her forget herself for a while, her worries lost in the familiar motions and banter. The banter, her father had told her once, was nearly as important as the batter, despite this being an extremely weak pun, it was still good advice. People could get food anywhere, good listeners were hard to find. A sympathetic ear and the best Okonamiyaki in Japan were a potent combination. The steady growth of her customer base had allowed her to expand. The second store was doing so well that the profits had allowed her to close for an extended sulk/emotional collapse/drinking binge in the weeks after Ranma's announcement. Even now she was only open for breakfast, (adding things like waffles and eggs to the menu, her experimental 'breakfast okinamiyaki' being less than successful) so she could train with Ryoga in the afternoon. She sighed, the morning rush had died off and her mind started to wander back to a certain...friend? Yes, friend, that was all, just a friend. Nothing else. Friend, buddy, amigo, compadre, comrade, friend, nothing more and nothing less.

'For now.' added a voice from her subconscious.

She squashed it ruthlessly.

Where was he anyway? It was coming up on eleven o'clock and he had yet to put in an appearance. If he had wandered off... Noticing the lack of customers, she hung out the 'closed' sign and went to go find him.

0-0

"This G.P.S. Thing is great!" Ryoga proclaimed happily(for him anyway). He was in a surprisingly good mood. He wasn't sure why. It could be that he wasn't lost. It could be because he'd had the best night's sleep he'd had in...ever. He'd had an odd dream about Ukyo. It seemed so real, he just held her while she slept, no rocket launches or trains going through tunnels, like usually happened when he drempt about girls. It was a dream, right? She would never let him do that, she'd spatula him into the ground, batusai tenketsu or not.

Hmmm...him and Ukyo. It would never happen of course, but it was intriguing none the less. Now that he had lost his Akane-goggles Ukyo was quite the nice little package. She was strong, smart independent, beautiful, and ran her own successful business. She was very nearly the ideal modern woman. She had a bit of a temper, was prone to outbursts of personal violence, and could be, uh somewhat controlling at times, but she was also friendly, outgoing, and seemed to genuinely care about people.

Then there was him. Lost in every possible sense of the word. He sighed, his mood darkening a bit. What could he possibly have to offer a girl like that?

"You have reached your destination."said the phone in a flat mechanical voice. He looked up, yep, this was Ucchan's. He put the phone away in the sub-space pocket where he kept all the things he couldn't afford to lose(wallet, credit cards, birth certificate, passport, house keys, stuff like that). He really owed Mousse for teaching him that. He pushed aside the entrance curtain and called out.

"Uky-" +Clang+

"WHERE WERE YOU!" Ukyo screamed in his face. Ryoga staggered back a few paces, shaking his head, trying to clear it. She continued;

Clang+

"I WAS,"

Clang+

"WORRIED ABOUT,"

Clang+

"YOU,"

Clang+

"JACKASS!"

Clang+Clang+Clang+Clang+Clang+Clang+Clang+Cla-

He caught the spatula, Ukyo was shocked.

"Stop hitting me." said Ryoga, somewhat agitated. Then he noticed her face, had she been crying? Wait, did she say she was worried about him? He immediately felt guilty, he made Ukyo cry. His expression softened. She noticed that he noticed and blushed faintly.

"Um..." she started "sorry." she mumbled. "I shouldn't have gotten so upset."

She had only meant to hit him once, but she was still feeling a bit fragile and panicked when she couldn't find him. It would seem she wasn't as over Ranma as she thought. Ryoga, just by being there, somehow made her feel better. Like a security blanket.

"No, it was my fault, I should have left a note or something."

They stood in awkward silence for awhile, neither wanting to be the first to break it.

"Sooo, now that we're both sorry, where did you go?" she asked.

"I needed to get some equipment, uh you did still want to train today, right?"

She scowled at the implication.

"Why, do you have something better to do?" she snapped, glaring.

"N-no" he stuttered.

Who was the idiot who said women were cute when angry?

"Well," she said, suddenly cheerful, "let me change and we'll get started."

She went upstairs.

Ryoga waited at the bottom and tried not to think about the fact that she was naked up there.

'Naked' he thought 'Nude, bare-ass, au' natural, sky clad'...he really needed to think of something else.

"_Jump on her_." suggested a tiny voice from the back of his mind.

Baseball? That was the traditional thing to think about when avoiding thoughts of a carnal nature.

... "_Go up there, kick the door in and jump on her_." repeated the voice, slightly louder.

He didn't really follow sports, now that he came to think about it, apart from martial arts of course. Well thats it, problem solved, think about martial arts.

"_Jump,_"

Of course, martial arts made him think of Ranma,

"_Her,_"

Which made him think of training, which made him think of Ukyo.

"_Bones!_"

Who was, at this very moment, not more than thirty feet away, stark bloody naked. He started to sweat a little and fidget.

'What was taking that girl so damn long?' Just as he was about yell at her to hurry the hell up, dammit, she came down. Much to his relief she was wearing conservative, baggy sweats.

"Ready?"she asked.

"Y-yeah."he stuttered, then regaining his composure "What's the plan for today?"

"I thought we'd warm up with a quick jog over to the gym."

"Gym?"he asked, confused.

"Yes, a gym, you didn't think we were going to go up to the mountains every day did you?"

"I hadn't really thought about it."

"That's your problem, you don't think enough." she answered, poking him in the forehead.

"Hmph." he bristled, swatting her hand away. She giggled and ruffled his hair, then motioned for him to follow her. Ryoga thought he caught the words "So cute" as she ran off, it must have been his imagination.

* * *

**A/N: whew, this chapter was like pulling teeth, well not exactly, after you have your teeth pulled you usually get a painkiller of some sort, codeine if you're lucky. I just get reviews, though if anyone wants to send me some painkillers...**

**Next time: Training, and maybe a bathhouse, I haven't decided yet.**

**Shameless Plug:**

**Oh, and keep an eye out for my one-shot prequel, "Her Way" sometime in the next 2-4 weeks**


	6. I Want You Around

**No Depression**

**chapter the sixth:**

**I Want You Around**

I do not own Ranma ½

* * *

Ryoga did not enjoy the gym, The average weight machine was of very little use to someone who could shot-put an engine block. Initially he had hovered around Ukyo as she did her routine. That had proven to be a mistake, as hot, sweaty, grunting Ukyo made him very, very uncomfortable. Eventually he discovered an unused heavy bag off in one corner and busied himself with that. He tried to keep his blows light but it still jerked around like a leaf in a hurricane.

As he got into a rhythm his mind started to wander, and as had been happening a lot lately it settled on his, well, friend, for lack of a better term, ever since he came back she had been acting strangely. She was probably just lonely, it couldn't be easy, running that restaurant all by herself. That would explain her almost desperate need for him to be around, but if that were the case, why did she keep _**touching**_ him. It was kind of freaking him out.

In a good way though.

A tingly, warm, 'What the hell, is she coming on to me, did I remember to wear deodorant?' kind of way.

He didn't for one minute think she was attracted to him, she was probably just being nice, girls did that sometimes. But knowing that did little to silence the caveman urge to grab her, drag her back to his cave and have his way with her. Thoughts like this disturbed him, as he was pretty sure he didn't have a cave.

Engaged as he was in the ineffable puzzle that was woman, he failed to notice the approach of the very female that inspired his current rumination. She had finished her workout a few minutes previous and was now watching him pummel the bag.

'His fighting style fits him,' she thought as she watched, it was almost elegant in it's brutal simplicity, His hands always moving in straight lines with none of Ranma's graceful circular misdirection. As she watched her eyes were drawn to the way the muscles in his back moved and wondered what it would be like to press herself against them. 'Firm and warm, and, _oh my god what's wrong with me?_' Hadn't she read something about this? Endorphins or something, exercise making you horny? Shaking her head she approached him.

"Hey, Ryoga." she touched his shoulder.

"AAA!" he screamed, losing concentration and hitting the bag full force.

+FOOM!+

0-0

"YOU STUPID JACKASS!" Ukyo raged at the cowering lost boy. Both were completely covered in a gritty mixture of sand and sawdust. She was furious, her membership had been revoked and she had to pay for both a new bag and the extensive cleaning that would be required. After about twenty minutes of free-form abuse it occurred to her that something was wrong: he was supposed to yell back. Why wasn't he yelling back? It was only fun if he yelled back, otherwise it was just her being a bitch.

Was he okay?

"Ryoga?" she asked, turning to look at him. He was several paces behind her, his head hanging down... was he crying? He was! Why was he crying? He'd never done that before, well he had, but never because of her. Why now? She always yelled at him, it was part of their...thing.

"I should go."he said, dejected. This wasn't fair, she'd just wanted to blow off some steam. Why did he have to take everything so personally. Now he was leaving. He couldn't leave, she _**needed**_ him...for the plan, she had to stop him! HOW? uh...

"I want you to stay!" she shout/blurted.

There was an awkward silence.

"B-but, I don't want to cause you any more trouble. I've already made you cry and got you kicked out of your gym, and it's only twelve-thirty. I get lost, I break things, you shouldn't be around me, you could get hurt and I don't want you to get hurt..." he was collapsing in on himself, starting to glow. Ukyo did the only thing she could.

She hugged him.

"Wh-wha?"

"Shhh..." she whispered into his ear "It's okay."she rubbed his back in a comforting manner "It's okay" she repeated. He sobbed in relief and hugged her back, burying his head in her shoulder. 'This is kind of nice' she thought. After awhile Ukyo noticed she couldn't breath properly.

"Ryoga!" she tried to shout but couldn't get enough air. She frantically slapped him on the back but he didn't seem to notice. She felt her ribs creak. 'Oh god, I'm going to be hugged to death!' she thought.

Then she was suddenly soaked with stagnant puddle water. A motorcycle engine faded into the distance as a horrified looking black piglet watched Ukyo struggle for air. Realization of what he had almost done dawned on him. He-he'd hurt her! He started to run away but his path was blocked by a throwing spatula embedded into the concrete.

"What (cough) did I just (wheeze) say?" she stated as firmly as she could, which was, given the circumstances, surprisingly firm. P-chan turned, What did she mean? The last thing she said was "It's okay." It was most definitely not 'ok', it was about as far from 'ok' as you could get.

He could have...

He needed to get away before it happened again! He made to leave again, but Ukyo was too fast for him, she snatched him up by his bandanna and held the franticly squirming swine level with her face.

"Geez, P-chan, relax, I'm fine you just...surprised me." Technically a lie, but if he didn't stop thrashing around like that, he'd garrote himself with his own bandanna. How could she calm him down? A wicked grin spread across her face. She planted a quick kiss on his little piggie snout. P-chan immediately ceased all physical and most mental activity.

'Heh' thought Ukyo, she set the now docile P-chan down at her feet.

"Stay."she ordered.

He did.

She gathered up his clothes, why were they so heavy? Did Ryoga use weighted training clothes? She couldn't find the seams where the weight should have been sewn in, she'd have to remember to ask him later. She slung the wet clothes across the top of his backpack and looked at it thoughtfully. If she remembered correctly it was extremely heavy, should she take it with them or come back later with a forklift? She tugged experimentally at the handle, it leaned forward onto some wheels. She raised an eyebrow, that would make it much easier for say, a small black piglet to move.

"Heel." she ordered, P-chan followed obediently behind her.

* * *

**a/n: sorry for taking so long, and that it's not that good, and for how short it is and uh...**

**i think thats all. i got a job, not quite sure how that happened. so less time for writing**

**anyway, next update should be quicker.**

**next time: Bathtime for P-chan.**


	7. Bath time for pchan

**No Depression**

**chapter the seventh**

**Bath-time for P-chan**

Ranma ½ ? Never heard of it.

* * *

"One please." Ukyo asked. "Oh, and is it okay for me to bring my pig?" she displayed the aforementioned swine. It was mercilessly eyeballed by the crow-like bath-house attendant. P-chan held up admirably under the unpleasant woman's suspicious gaze.

"Is he housebroken?"

"Bu'kee" replied the deeply offended _Sus scrofa._

"Oh yes,"added Ukyo, mostly suppressing the urge to giggle, "he's very well trained." Unable to find fault the woman relented.

"I guess it's all right, so long as you keep an eye on him."

"I'll definitely do that." laughed the young woman and made her way, pig under one arm and pulling a monster backpack, to the women's bath.

P-chan's eyes widened and he started to struggle.

"Stop it,"snapped Ukyo. "If you think I'm letting you out of my sight..." He sighed; she _might_ have a point.

"Looks like we have the place to ourselves." They surveyed the empty room. There were faucets at regularly spaced intervals along the walls. At the far end were two large tubs of presumably warm water. She set him down in front of one of the faucets.

"You've got soap and stuff in your pack, right?" he nodded. She retrieved the items and knelt down in front of him, grinning wickedly.

It is probably worth mentioning at this point that Ukyo had never had a pet (apart from Konatsu) As a little girl she had desperately wanted some sort of small cute animal to shower with affection, but due to a combination of factors, such as the health code, her father's allergies, and the not inconsiderable demands of her training, it was never allowed. Not that this is any kind of excuse for her actions but, well, she couldn't help it.

_After a great deal of (mutual) squealing:_

"There you go, all clean."she said, depositing the only mildly traumatized P-chan on the rim of one of the large tubs.

"You wait here 'til I'm done,"she went back over to the faucet. "And I'd better not catch you looking."

'That was different.' thought Ryoga as he slipped into the warm water, returning to human form. While not entirely unpleasant, it wasn't something he wanted to endure on a regular basis. Feeling rather uneasy, he tried to distract himself.

'So...this is the women's bath.' he thought, it wasn't as different as he had thought it would be. More or less the same as the men's, just more...pink-- well, salmon, if you wanted to get technical. He sank further into the warm water. 'Mmm, relaxing.' he thought. Then, as is prone to happen when one is trying not to think of something, he wondered what it would be like for Ukyo to wash him in his human form. Her strong gentle fingers caressing his naked skin, her lips trailing butterfly kisses across his neck and back, her tongue boldly molesting his heretofore-innocent earlobe, he would take her in his arms...and in his excitement, crush her like a grape.

He shivered, that was clearly unacceptable. If only he could make her tougher somehow, some sort of technique, did he know anything like that? The universe held its breath as Ryoga tried to think. There was an almost perceptible grinding noise, like when a person is first learning how to operate a manual transmission.

Ryoga had a plan.

He would teach Ukyo the Breaking Point! Then she would be strong enough to survive his hypothetical affections. Not that he thought she was interested or anything. It would be a good thing to teach her, just in case.

But would she want to learn it? It did involve a fairly large amount of pain, did he really want to put her through that just so she could make out with him? It seemed a bit selfish, now that he thought about it. He didn't even know if she saw him that way. He paused in his internal monologue, since when did he have feelings for her? He was pretty sure it was him this time, and not the pig. Okay,so, he had feelings for Ukyo, what was he going to do about it? Before he did anything he should find out how she feels, better to be rejected now than after pining away for months.

It would be different this time.

0-0

Meanwhile on the other side of the room, Ukyo cursed under her breath. The damn grit got everywhere, in her clothes, in her hair, in her... everywhere! It was infuriating! And itchy. Stupid Ryoga. She shot a sideways glance at the soaking lost boy.

"Want." growled the ancient, animal part of her mind.

"No." responded the modern, civilized part.

"Want!" it repeated, backed by a succession of increasingly...intense, images.

"Show that last one again, um, I mean, No!"

"WANT!"

"No! Never mind that he's just sitting over there, all +gulp+ wet and unsuspecting...hmmm, naked.."

"Want."

"..."

Ukyo sighed. Not for the first time she wished her mother was still alive, or that she at least had some girlfriends she could talk to about things like this. The only person she could think of that even came close was Akane, who was currently unavailable. The only other girls she really knew were Shampoo and the other Tendo sisters. There was no way in hell she was telling Shampoo. Ukyo was fairly certain the Amazon would either: a) laugh at her, or, b) tell her to jump Ryoga in the shower. Neither alternative appealed,---well, maybe b). Kasumi... wasn't the best choice for any number of reasons and while Nabiki might have some good advice, Ukyo doubted she could afford the fees.

Ukyo sighed again. Deciding she had scrubbed enough, she stood up and went over to the tub not currently filled with lost boy. She sunk into the warm relaxing water.

"You can look now." She said with a casualness she did not entirely feel. Why was she nervous? It was only Ryoga, he wouldn't do anything. Although with his strength, if he wanted to do something what could she do to stop it? Was it wrong that she was a little excited by that? He moved so he could see her. He had a very pensive look on his face, like he was trying to work himself up to something.

"Um, Ukyo?" he was blushing.

"Yes?" she leaned forward in anticipation.

"Uh, well, I-I was wondering, if maybe you, um," he was sweating now.

"Go on"

"What did you want for lunch?" Ukyo was so disappointed that she failed to notice Ryoga silently berating himself.

'This isn't different at all.' he thought bitterly.

* * *

**more of a chapter 6.5 than a full chapter, but it only took a week.**

**next:**

**I stop jerking around and get these two crazy kids together.**


	8. Love lives again

**I got one review for the last chapter. one.**

**But thanks to the emotional support of my family and first rate psychiatric care I**

**still managed to finish this chapter**

**right on time for St. Valen- uh, Patri- um...**

**heh heh. +sweats+**

**Yeah...**

* * *

I don't own Ranma 1/2

**No Depression**

**Chapter the eighth**

**Love Lives Again**

* * *

In the silence that followed, Ukyo's mind raced. What had he meant to say? He was going to ask her something, and she couldn't help but feel that it had been something important, but at the last minute, he'd chickened out. She sank deeper into the water. Why couldn't he just be a man and tell her, instead of sitting there stuttering like a jackass? She sighed, then something struck her. Wait, stuttering, that was important. Did Akane just walk in? She looked around, just to make sure. No, nobody was there besides him and her, alone, in a hot steamy room, kind of romantic really, if you thought about it. She blushed faintly. No, she couldn't get distracted. She reviewed her salient points, Akane, stuttering and romance, usually when Ryoga stuttered he was trying to talk to Akane, she made him nervous because he... loved…

OH MY GOD!

0-0

Ryoga decided it was all in his head. There was no way any woman—much less one as together as Ukyo—would be interested in a mess like him. His shoulders drooped despondently. He was reading things that simply were not there. So she was nice to him, so what? That was part of her job; she was nice to nearly everyone. Did she take a bath with nearly everyone? He shot her a suspicious glance. No, probably not. She was dirty and uncomfortable, that's all. Still, she could have left him outside, but had made a special effort to get him in here. She only did it so he wouldn't get lost. But that meant she wanted him around for some reason. Ah, yes, she'd said she had a plan, that's why she wanted him here. She had been crying earlier, when she thought he had left. He didn't have an answer for that. And she kept touching him, and she seemed so concerned when he told her about Akari. He was so confused.

0-0

Ukyo was stunned. Ryoga liked her. No, that couldn't be right. She wasn't anything special; she didn't have a body like Shampoo, or...whatever it was Akane had. She was just boring old cross-dressing, okinamiyaki-obsessed Ukyo.

"Ryoga?" she turned to him. He looked upset, and for some reason wouldn't turn and face her. "What's wrong?"

"N-n-nothing, I-I'm f-fine." He did!

Ryoga.

Hibiki.

Liked.

Her.

Not Shampoo, not Akane, but her! She felt... kind of strange, actually: a heady blend of anxiety and anticipation. She'd never had someone like her back before. She doubted he had either. She couldn't wait to tell him. Maybe it would cheer him up a bit. He was always so down; hard to blame him, really, with the kind of life he had, but this was good, right? She could help him—it was obvious somebody needed to. She'd felt so lonely these past few weeks. Ranma hadn't been coming around as often and when it came down to it she didn't really have any other friends. She pushed those thoughts away, now wasn't the time to feel sorry for herself. How would she tell Ryoga? She could cook for him! No, wait, she did that already. She needed something less subtle. She sat in thought for a while.

She blinked.

She couldn't do that, could she? No, that was too bold, almost Shampoo-like in its shamelessness. She grinned. It was perfect. Slowly and silently she rose from the water and made her way behind the lost boy.

0-0

Ryoga was still brooding over his latest failure as a man, when, much to his surprise, a naked okinamiyaki chef attached herself to his back.

"U-Ukyo?" he stammered.

"Hey Ryo-chan." she purred. It was just like she had imagined, Firm and warm and quite pleasant overall. Her hands explored his muscular torso. Ryoga's breath caught in his throat when her gentle fingers wandered dangerously low on his abdomen.

"S-stop."

"Mmm... don' wanna."

Oh god! It was just like he imagined! Next she would go after his ear, then he would turn to pull her into his crushing embrace and... He vividly recalled how that fantasy had ended—with Ukyo squashed to death in his grip. He needed to get away! When she started nibbling on his ear he lost all semblance of composure and shoved her away, maybe a little harder than he meant to.

Ukyo started to tear up. Had she misread him that badly? Was there something wrong? Was she not pretty enough? Why did this keep happening to her?

"W-why?"she sobbed. Seeing that he had hurt her, Ryoga quickly tried to explain.

"Uh…" he fumbled for words. "It's not you, it's me." 'That was good.' he thought congratulating himself. "See, Ukyo, it's not your fault, it's mine, so you can stop crying."

She turned away, she didn't want him to see her tears, her shoulders shook with suppressed sobs.

Ryoga was confused, that should have made everything okay, but it didn't. He reached out with a comforting hand. Ryoga's next words were chosen with a level of precision normally reserved for the disarming of high explosives.

"Ukyo," he began, then swallowed nervously. "I, I'm, I…"

'He's going to say he just wants to be friends,' she thought bitterly.

"I-I think I like you," he paused, blushing and lowering his eyes, "I-in a more-than-friendly way." She stopped crying. "But I don't want you to get hurt." Something in the way he said it made her think he didn't mean emotionally, so being the clever girl she was, she asked.

"Hurt me? What do you mean?" It was supposed to hurt at first, wasn't it? That had better not be what he's talking about—what kind of girl did he think she was?

'The kind that would molest him in the bath?' supplied her subconscious.

She ignored it.

"I'm very strong, Ukyo," he nervously poked a few holes in the tile, "and I'm afraid of... breaking you." She wanted to laugh, to tell him that it was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard, but then she remembered earlier, struggling to breathe as his powerful arms tightened around her.

"...Ah." He had a point. She started to tear up again. No, this was beatable, she just needed to think. She could tie him up. She blushed. That might work.

"Ukyo."

She pictured it in her mind. Ryoga, helpless, at her mercy, she could do _anything she wanted_...

"Ukyo."

It was tempting, but no, that would get old pretty quick. He needed to be able to reciprocate, for it to be a mutual experience.

"Ukyo."

"What?"

"I had an idea, but I don't think you're going to like it."

"Well?"

"You're really not going to like it."

"Just tell me, Jackass!"

"Learn the Breaking Point."

"That's it? What's so bad about that?"

"It's a very dangerous and difficult technique, and to be honest, you're not really ready to learn it." Ukyo was a bit insulted, but before she could protest, he continued."Wait, hear me out. You're used to blocking with a weapon, so you don't have the body hardening and conditioning you'll need."

"So teach me."

"It'll hurt," he warned. "a lot."

"I'm not some delicate little flower, Ryoga. I don't care about that."

To say that Ryoga was surprised would be an understatement; totally gob-smacked would be a more accurate description.

"She must really like me," he mumbled unconsciously.

"Yup," said Ukyo, before grasping his head in her hands and gently pulling his lips onto hers. Ryoga's vision started to gray, but through a tremendous effort of will, he managed to stay conscious as the rest of the universe faded away, leaving just the feeling of her lips on his.

"Ahem." Reality snapped back harshly. They both blushed deep red. The proprietress continued, slightly amused.

"When you and your boyfriend are done, you owe me another three-hundred yen. No rush." she said, not unkindly, then left the couple to themselves.

"Huh." Ukyo grunted. She turned to a wide-eyed Ryoga. "So, where were we?"

"Um, maybe we should go," he replied timidly. Ukyo sighed.

"I suppose." Ryoga tried not to stare as she toweled herself off, tried being the operative word. She pretended not to notice.

0-0

The walk back home was slightly awkward. This was not helped by the fact the she was wearing his underwear; her clothes were still full of grit, and, well, his boxers had fit her, and it wasn't that far, just a couple of blocks. She held his hand the whole way.

Upon returning to the empty restaurant, Ukyo sat him down in one of the booths and went upstairs to put on some clothes. When she came down again she was wearing one of her old school uniforms, carrying a book and a small travel chess set.

"Have a quick look through this while I fix us something to eat."

Ryoga took the book and looked at the cover: 'Chess for Complete Morons'

"Hey!" Ukyo rolled her eyes.

"Oh relax, it's just a book." she smirked at him and continued, "Besides 'Chess for Jackasses' was sold out." She struggled not to laugh at his expression.

She failed miserably.

0-0

After a quick lunch, Ukyo set up the board.

"Why are we playing chess?" Ryoga asked, slightly confused.

"Training." she answered, cryptically

"Training?"he questioned.

"Training." she confirmed.

"Explain." Ukyo sighed.

"Why does Ranma always beat you?"

"He cheats!" Ukyo sent him a hard glare.

"He does!" She narrowed her eyes. Ryoga gulped, she was kind of freaking him out, it was like she could see his soul or something.

"Cut it out." She narrowed her eyes some more.

"Ukyo..."

"Why does Ranma always beat you?" she repeated. Ryoga hung his head and mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Because he's better than me." he mumbled just loudly enough that she could hear. She gave him a kiss.

"The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one, Ryo-chan. Now why is Ranma better than you?" He shrugged and gave her a "how the hell should I know" look.

"It's because you don't have a plan."

"I have a plan!" he protested.

"'Kill Ranma' is not a plan." she clarified.

"Okay, but whats that got to do with chess?"

"It help develop strategic thinking," she opened the book. "See how all the pieces can only move certain ways, you have to be able to think ahead and force your opponent into a position where he has no choice but to surrender, just like in a fight." Ryoga said he understood and they started to play.

15 minutes later:

"Checkmate"

"Dammit!"

30 minutes later:

"Checkmate"

Two hours later:

"Ha! King me!"

exasperated sigh+

'This might take a while' she thought.

* * *

**A/N: I know, they should be playing shogi or go or something, but I don't know how to play (death before research!) and besides, the joke wouldn't work. So suck it up and suspend your disbelief, dammit. oh and before I forget again, I'd like to thank tigerdreams for beta-ing the last few chapters for me, Thanks!**

**next chapter?**

**Bad things man, Bad things...**

**Search and Destroy.**

**see you then.**


	9. Search and Destroy

No Depression

Chapter the Ninth:

Search and Destroy

Must I be reminded how little I own?

_About five weeks since the last chapter._

_insert Rocky-esqe musical training montage. +Eye of the tiger and the na na na, uh thats all I can remember.+_

Ukyo awoke with a groan. She was sore, stiff, slightly sticky and it was all Ryoga's fault. It had been like this ever since they admitted their feeling for each other. The boy had absolutely no sense of moderation, he just wouldn't let up. She would ask, desperately, for a break but he would just look at her with those big soulful brown puppy-dog eyes and before she knew what was happening, they were at it again. Most days they did it until she collapsed into sweaty exhaustion. Not that it was bad. She had done it before, y'know, on her own and she had to admit this was much more...satisfying, but it was getting to be too much of a good thing.

There was more to life than training.

She felt around her futon, searching for someone before she remembered he wasn't there, he hadn't been there for awhile now, she thought sullenly. Ryoga had taken to sleeping out in the hallway, "To prevent accidents," he had said. Ukyo sat up, yawned and rubbed her tired eyes. 'Stupid Ryoga.' she thought, he was being such an old lady about this. She yawned again and made her way to the bathroom, skillfully navigating around the martial artist inconveniently sprawled in her path. At least she didn't have to worry about waking him, Ryoga slept like a dead rock.

She entered the bathroom and shed the grungy workout clothes she had collapsed in the night before. Ryoga's 'Special Hibiki Endurance Training' was just as harsh as he said it would be. There were definite benefits though she admitted as she looked at her naked reflection in the mirror. She looked really good, not that she'd looked bad before, but now her body had a certain... sharpness, that hadn't been there previously. 'Sleek,' she thought, she looked sleek. She flexed a little, realized what she was doing, felt embarrassed and entered the shower.

As the warm water flowed down on her she thought back over the past few weeks. Although her training was progressing, her relationship with Ryoga seemed stuck in neutral. Apart from sparring and the post workout rubdowns, which she considered possibly her best plan ever since she had convinced him that massage after exercise helped enhance flexibility and encouraged muscle growth, (who knew, it might even be true) he hardly touched her, It was like he thought she was made of glass. At first she had thought it was kind of sweet, but now it was just frustrating.

She didn't even what to do anything bad, just cuddle a bit. Heaven forbid she should get to cuddle with her very nearly boyfriend. She exited the shower and toweled herself off. Thankfully it wasn't going to last much longer, Ryoga had said last night that she was ready and after a few days rest he would take her up into the mountains and teach her the Breaking Point. Then they could...

She blushed faintly.

Covering herself with her towel, she exited into the hall. Cautiously, she approached the slumbering lost boy. The nights had been rather warm of late and he had kicked his blanket away, exposing his muscular, boxer clad body. He frowned in his sleep and rolled over onto his back. Ukyo's gaze was inevitably drawn downwards towards the rather substantial bulge in the front of his shorts. She stared at it for quite a while. She'd seen guys before, she had gone to an all boys junior high after all, but never anything quite to this um, scale. All she had to do was reach forward and... No, this was wrong, he was asleep and she wasn't like that. Seemingly against her will she knelt down next to him trying valiantly to keep her hand from reaching for it, almost touching, almost grasping, almost...

Ryoga grunted and rolled away from her, regaining her senses Ukyo jumped up and sprinted back to her room, closed the door behind her and sagged against it, short of breath. Eventually she calmed down enough to get dressed and open the restaurant.

0-0

Ryoga awoke from his dream with a start. He and Ukyo had been watching a rocket take off, Ukyo had gotten too close and her clothes had caught fire, so he had to chase her with a giant fire hose in order to put her out. He wondered if it meant anything. Just to be sure he would try to keep her away from any open flames.

He'd been having a lot of dreams about Ukyo lately. It wasn't that surprising really, he didn't have much exposure to women so he hadn't really developed a resistance to them yet. At least he didn't have to change his sheets after this one.

He had learned something new about himself in his time training Ukyo; he was a leg man. Ukyo had nice legs and when they trained she wore such small shorts, and the noises she made during her rubdowns...it was supposed to be therapeutic, Dammit!. He sighed, he needed a cold shower but because of the curse he couldn't take one. Enough thinking about Ukyo, he had stuff he had to do today! In the end, he wound up taking a lukewarm shower instead.

0-0

"And this is the Chief of the tribe that wanted to sacrifice Akane to the volcano god." Ranma narrated. Ukyo suppressed a groan. She was starting to understand why trapped animals chewed off their own feet. Nermia's golden couple had returned, and they'd brought movies.

"Thankfully that was on the second night and she was no longer qualified." Ukyo wondered idly if she could get away with faking an aneurysm. It wasn't that Ranma's honeymoon videos were boring, interesting things tended to happen around Ranma, it was just that, well, it still hurt a bit that he was with somebody else.

"They were real good sports about it though," continued Ranma, completely oblivious to his audience. "They threw us a big uh, luau, I think it was called, and paid for us to stay an extra two weeks to apologize." The tape ran out and Ranma went to put in another one. "I think this is the one," he said, reading the label. "Akane got some really nice shots of the waterfall where I had to fight the King of the Lizard people."

"Ranma," interrupted Akane, "Why don't you get us something to eat, unless you'd rather I..." There is no word in the English language that adequately describes how quickly Ranma left the room. Akane smirked and turned to Ukyo. 'Oh great' she thought, was Akane going to give her a "stay away from my man" speech?

"How are you doing?" asked Akane sympathetically.

"Okay.." Ukyo answered warily. Akane noticed her guarded response.

"Relax,"she said smiling. "I just wanted to thank you for looking after P-chan for me while I was gone."

"I-I don't know what you mean." Ukyo replied unconvincingly.

Akane sighed in an exasperated fashion, "Why does everybody think I don't know? Do I have the word "Stupid" written on my forehead or something?"

"So... you know that P-chan-"

"Is Ryoga?" Akane snorted in a most unladylike manner. "How could I not know? The bandanna, the fainting, always getting lost, Ranma's constant hinting, oh and let's not forget that NORMAL pigs don't turn their backs when you change, yes how could I possibly see through such a cunningly crafted deception."

"You asked Nabiki didn't you?"she said with sudden insight. Akane got a little redder, whether in embarrassment or anger Ukyo couldn't tell.

"Only for confirmation!" Akane protested, then began to settle down.

"Anyway, I hear you and 'P-chan' have been spending a lot of time together lately." Akane resumed, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Akane!"

"What? He's my friend too. I have to make sure your intentions are honorable."

Ukyo sputtered, grasping for words that wouldn't come.

"I'm kidding, I've always hoped you two would get together."

"Really?" Ukyo replied, genuinely surprised.

"Oh yeah, ever since the cave." Ukyo winced at the mention of the Cave of Lost Love. It had been something of a personal low point for her. One of the things she prided herself on was that she played fair. She didn't use tricks or magic potions to get her way, The cave was more like something Shampoo would do and Ukyo had been deeply ashamed of herself afterwards.

"But I was awful to him for that whole trip."

"No worse than Ranma and I."

"I guess." Ukyo conceded.

"You two just seemed to have such good chemistry."

"We do work well together..."

"Ryoga's a really sweet guy, you should give him a chance."

"Well, um, that's one of the reasons we've been together so much..."

"Thats great!" exclaimed Akane.

"Well there is this one problem."

"The fainting?"

"Amazingly no, he seems to have a handle on that now, as long as you don't catch him by surprise, it's um, well..." she stammered "he thinks he'll crush me."

Akane looked thoughtful, "Could he really do that?"

"He thinks he can and I can't say I really want to find out."

Akane's eyes opened wide. "Ukyo, I'm so-"

"Don't be, we think we have a solution."

"What?"

"He's going to teach me the Breaking Point."

Akane looked stunned. "Is that safe?"

"Probably not, but it's all we've been able to come up with."

"But the Breaking Point training is just..."

"Yeah, I know, he describes it to me every chance he gets."

"Well, if you're sure..."

"I am, oh, and could you sort of keep this to yourself? I don't want to have to deal with Ranma 'protecting' me."

"No problem."

0-0

"You have reached your destination." intoned a flat mechanical voice. Ryoga looked up. 'Nekohaunten' read the sign. He gave silent thanks to the gods of GPS before making his way to theentrance. It looked closed. He knocked on the door.

Nothing happened, he knocked again.

Still nothing. Did they all go back to China? With Ranma married they didn't really have any reason to stay. He tried the door. Surprisingly it was open. Slowly Ryoga made his way through the empty restaurant. Suddenly he heard a weird noise, a kind of grunting and banging, it was coming from upstairs. He followed the noise and as he got closer he could hear raised voices speaking Chinese, it wasn't a dialect he knew, but the voices sounded familiar, was Shampoo trying to kill Mousse? Concerned for his friend, he threw open the door to the room from which the noises were coming.

It _was_ Shampoo and Mousse.

They _weren't_ fighting.

Ryoga fainted.

0-0

Someone was slapping him, quite forcefully too.

"Stop it." he said, swatting the hand away.

"See, Shampoo tell you he not dead." Shampoo said over her shoulder to Mousse, then turned back to Ryoga and pointed towards the door.

"Get Out!"

"Shampoo, don't be rude." chastised Mousse. She turned and shot him a glare, then faced Ryoga again.

"Get Out, Please?" she asked/ordered.

"Is Cologne around?" asked Ryoga. Mousse opened his mouth to answer but Shampoo beat him to it.

"Great(x9) Grandmother no here, she go back to China, if you leave now maybe you catch, yes?"

Mousse ignored her and helped Ryoga to his feet, "So what did you want?"

"I need permission to teach Uk- someone the Breaking Point."

Mousse shrugged, "Go ahead, it's not like it's a secret or anything."

"I don't have to give up my first born or swear allegiance to the tribe or something?"

"I don't think so."

"Oh." said Ryoga, slightly disappointed. There followed a long awkward silence. Shampoo looked back and forth between the two men and rolled her eyes in a frustrated manner.

"GET OUT!"

0-0

Ukyo was back at the Ucchan's. Upon her release from Saotome video hell, she had been trying to arrange for someone to run the restaurant while she and Ryoga traveled to the mountains.

"No 'Natsu, not her." she said into the phone. "I'd like to have some customers left when I get back." she listened to Konatsu defend the girl.

"I know you like her, but there is no way I'm letting Aino anywhere near MY kitchen. Send Kino and one of the RESPONSABLE girls, Hino or that Quiet one, what's her name, yeah, Mizuno (A/N:Yes, I made a Sailor Moon reference, I am deeply ashamed)

She paused and listened for a bit.

"Look, Ucchan's hasn't been open full time for nearly 9 weeks, we're still in the black, but it's only a matter of time... Hey 'Natsu hold on for a second, I have a call on the other line."

+click+

"Hello, Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, how my I help you?"

"Mrs. Saotome?"

"Sorry, Auntie Nodoka."

"I'm okay, and you?"

"Yes, he came to see me this morning."

"Uh-huh."

"Uh-huh."

"Look, Mrs S- uh, Auntie Nodoka, not to be rude but I've got 'Natsu on the other line, so if you could get to the point."

"You want me to be Ranma's what?" She couldn't have heard that correctly.

"His _MISTRESS_??" She was shocked into silence, did he still want her? Perhaps the more important question was did she want him? It surprised her that she didn't. It still hurt that she had been rejected, but not so much that she would go running back to him and forget about everything she had with Ryoga. Besides, she would feel like a whore.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Sao- Auntie Nodoka, but I'm afraid I must decline."

"No, no your son is quite manly, it's just that, well, I met somebody and..."

"Thank you, oh and just to satisfy my own curiosity, did Ranma ask you to do this?"

"That's what I thought, maybe in the future you should ask him before trying to set up something like this. Goodbye" as she hung up the phone, Ukyo felt a great sense of relief, like taking off a weight she had been carrying for so long she had forgotten it was there. She was finally over Ranma. Feeling like celebrating, she went into the back to get herself a drink. That's when she noticed her back door, it was open, hanging on one hinge with the knob crushed into an unrecognizable mass.

"Ryoga..."she whispered and bolted after him.

0-0

Ryoga was angry, not that this was unusual but this time he was so angry that he had passed through anger and out the other side, as it were, into the eye of the storm, where it was calm. The solution seemed so clear now.

Kill Ranma.

Ranma Wanted Ukyo.

Kill Ranma.

He wanted Ukyo too.

Kill Ranma.

He had wanted Akane.

Kill Ranma.

Ranma already had Akane.

Kill Ranma.

Now he wanted Ukyo as well.

Kill Ranma.

'Greedy bastard'. He commented.

Kill Ranma.

Leaving him, Ryoga, with no one.

Kill Ranma.

That was clearly unacceptable.

Kill Ranma.

Therefore the solution was simple.

Kill Ranma.

Ranma had to die.

"You have reached your destination." intoned a flat mechanical voice.

0-0

Ranma and Akane were walking together back from the market with groceries for Kasumi, not arguing for once, and not because they weren't speaking to each other either. Each was just enjoying the other's company.

"It's nice to be back." commented Akane.

"Yeah." agreed Ranma.

"You have reached your destination"(small font)

"Did you just hear something?" she asked. Ranma's danger senses kicked in and he snatched Akane and leapt as far away as he could. A huge explosion followed.

'What the hell?' he thought as debris rained down, 'Was that an asteroid strike?'

Dust and smoke obscured the area but he could make out a figure in the impact zone. Angry chi rolled off of it in great heavy waves.

"Akane, get away."

"But…"

"NOW!" The dust had settled, revealing the figure's identity.

"Ryoga?"

Next Time:

Ranma and Ryoga drink tea and discuss their feelings in:

_**BERSERKER **_

see you in 4-6 months. (I'm slow. sweats)

A/N: huge response to the last chapter, 12 reviews, that double my previous high, maybe I should whine about reviews more often. I'd like to thank Clancrusher for filling in as beta and also supplying this omake, which I thought was funny:

**OMAKE BY CLANCRUSHER**

"Akane, get away."

"But…"

"NOW!" The dust had settled, revealing the figure's identity.

"Ryoga?"

"Damn you Ranma! Because of your honeymoon videos, I've seen HELL!"

"Oh come on man! They weren't that bad!"


	10. Berserker

**No Depression**

**Chapter the Tenth:**

**Berserker**

**Me no own Ranma.**

* * *

"Ryoga?"

Ryoga's answer came in the form of several dozen chi-infused bandannas. Ranma felt strangely nostalgic. Whilst he was distracted by the bandannas Ryoga launched his main attack.

"Shi-Shi-Hokudan!"

"Moko takabisha!" He countered, deflecting the chi ball just enough that he could slide under it. He blinked, was that...strategy? Normally Pig Boy didn't have a strategy, unless 'hit it until it stops moving' counted. He sidestepped a punch and sent a Chestnut fist into the lost boys ribs, his opponent just grunted and retaliated with an old-fashioned right cross. The anything-goes heir bobbed underneath it, and returned with a fast combo of punches and kicks forcing Ryoga to withdraw slightly. Ranma grinned, maybe this would be more fun than he thought.

0-0

''Ohgodohgodohgod," thought Ukyo as she raced across the rooftops of Nermia towards the infamous Tendo dojo. 'Please let me get there first,' she had a feeling that this was going to get ugly.

0-0

'Dammit' thought Ranma as he danced around the lost boy's potentially crippling blows, 'What's he so pissed off about?' He quickly searched his memory, He couldn't think of anything he'd done recently, hell, he hadn't seen Ryoga for almost a month.

"Hey pork butt, what are you whining about now?" No response.

"P-chan?" still nothing. "What's the matter, pig got your tongue?"

"You can't have her." Ryoga growled menacingly.

'This must be about Akane.' he thought.

"Get over it Bacon Boy, she's mine now." Ryoga answered with an animalistic snarl and Ranma was too busy dodging to engage in any further conversation.

0-0

Ryoga frowned, as usual he couldn't land a solid hit on his elusive opponent. Ranma was just too fast, he needed to slow him down somehow. Acting seemingly on instinct, he charged his finger with heavy chi and stabbed it into the ground.

"Shi-Shi-tenketsu!"(??? Roaring lion's Point???)the extra chi energy caused a cascade effect in which one breaking point triggered the next, causing all the terrain within a hundred meter radius to be reduced to loose sand and gravel, forcing Ranma to modify his footing to stay balanced.

0-0

'Ohgodohgodohgod' Ukyo continued to think. Then she stopped and looked around, none of this looked familiar. She blinked. Where was she?

0-0

Ranma stumbled back with a loud cracking noise as Ryoga's forehead hit him in the face. He put a hand up to his nose, it came back bloody. He prodded it a bit, 'Fuck, feels like it's broken.'

"Dammit Ryoga, just what do you think you're-Whoa!" he narrowly avoided a backhand that would have caved the side of his head in. Thats when it hit him, Ryoga was actually trying to kill him.

0-0

Ukyo was shocked at the scene which greeted her when she finally made it to the Tendo dojo. Ranma, bleeding badly, had Ryoga on the ropes and was striking seemingly at will, then, in a sudden reversal he caught a kick and twisted the leg painfully, but before he could finish applying the hold Ranma managed somehow to escape but came away limping. Ryoga, snarling, charged forward at a still recovering Ranma and spear-tackled him though a concrete telephone pole and crushed him into the wall behind it, then followed up by kneeing him in the groin while he was dazed, While Ranma tried not to vomit, Ryoga undid his belt. Then the belt stiffened. Time slowed down as he raised the newly formed blade.

"Noooooo!" Ukyo screamed when she realized what was happening. Ryoga turned his head towards her in shock. She had to stop them!

"Flour Bomb!" the combatants were engulfed in a white cloud. Then to her horror the fallen cables sparked and ignited the seemingly innocuous powder into an inferno.

+FOOM+

0-0

Ukyo was getting worried, it had been several hours since the fireball and there had been no sign of Ryoga. She'd meant to look for him afterwards but Akane had needed help carrying Ranma to Dr. Tofu. He had been knocked unconscious by the explosion and had some superficial burns, but apart from the broken nose he was okay, embarrassed and upset by how the nose-splint looked, but okay. She almost wished he'd been more badly hurt if only to give her something else to worry about besides Ryoga.

Where did he disappear to? She couldn't find him after she had managed to get away from Dr. Tofu's She sighed. It was starting to get dark, perhaps she should go home. Maybe he was waiting for her there. It didn't seem very likely, but she was starting to get desperate.

0-0

"Ryoga?" she called as she entered the restaurant. He wasn't in the dining area.

"Ryoga?" Nor was he in the kitchen. She went upstairs to her apartment.

"Ryoga?" He wasn't here either. Where was he? She bit her lip anxiously. Gods, she needed something to do, to occupy her mind.

She went back downstairs to the small room she laughingly referred to as her office, it was just a small desk, some second hand filling cabinets, and an antique Macintosh, but it served her meager needs. She tried to balance her account books but she just couldn't concentrate. After half an hour she gave up and went upstairs, and switched on the TV. She switched it off fifteen minutes later.

Then something caught her eye. Was that Ryoga's backpack? Didn't he need that? She was suddenly even more worried. He'd be okay without it, right? Of course he would, he was tough, he'd been surviving in the wild for nearly his whole life, she tried to reassure herself but it wasn't working. What did he keep in that thing anyway? She was suddenly extremely curious. She walked over and sat down next to it. She really shouldn't...

Oh hell...

She opened it but didn't look. One eye forced itself open and slowly her head turned around...and was slightly disappointed. It looked oddly normal; extra clothes, a camp stove, a rolled up tent, some outdoor gear. Well what was she expecting? A magical gateway leading to a land of talking animals?

Then she noticed a notebook sticking out one of the side pockets, she flipped through it, this was his dia- journal (Girls keep diaries, guys have journals she reminded herself) She flipped to a random entry:

_Date: 03/16/2006 Time: 2100hrs Place: Somewhere in Canada, I think._

_Food low, chased by bear, I got a letter today, delivered by the most orange ninja I have ever seen._

_Akane is finally marrying Ranma. I don't feel nearly as bad as I thought I would. Well, as long as she's happy. Can't decide if I want to go or not._

She flipped ahead a few pages.

_Date: 03/21/2006 Time: 1800hrs Place: definitely Japan_

_Made it in time for the ceremony. Akane looked wonderful. I guess this is what she wants. Ukyo wanted something, don't know what. She's in a pretty bad way. She started crying halfway though the last dance. I'm looking at her now, she fell asleep on me, don't know how I'm going to get her home._

_She looks so peaceful when she's asleep. Someone's coming. Better stop._

She flipped ahead until she found the day before.

_Date: 04/26/2006 Time: 2300hrs Place: Still Japan_

_I can hardly believe it, Ukyo's ready for the breaking point training. I thought it would take her longer but she trains really hard, I guess this means she's serious about this. About us. I never thought I would ever feel this, um, not depressed. Happy, I think they call it. I'm happy. It feels kind of weird, but in a good way._

Her eyes started to blur with tears, she put the notebook down.

"Stupid Ryoga..." she whispered.

* * *

**ugh, fights are hard to do. still, it didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would, only 3+ months! uh oh, and flour will combust like that, it was on Mythbusters.**

**Next time?**

**The Final Chapter;**

**Back.**


	11. Back

**No Depression**

**Chapter the Last:**

**Back.**

**You know what, I _do_ own Ranma ½ , also, sliced bread? Totally my idea.**

* * *

It had been over a week since the fireball incident, and of Ryoga, there had been no sign.

"Miss?"

"Hmm?" Ukyo answered groggily. The man indicated the carbonized remains of what had once been his breakfast.

"Uh...on the house?" she answered sheepishly. He nodded. Ukyo sighed, she had burned more food in the last week than she ever had in the rest her life. She hadn't been sleeping well either, not that she was worried or anything, that idiot could take care of himself. Stupid Ryoga, making her waste food, he was in so much trouble when he got back.

"Miss, you're burning it again." said the man, hesitantly.

"DAMMIT!" she snarled. Then immediately looked apologetic.

"I'm so sorry sir, I'll do another one...for..." She saw something familiar and yellow out of the corner of her eye. Ignoring the man entirely, she vaulted the counter and dashed out into the street.

0-0

Ryoga was walking along brooding over the cruel machinations of fate. Why did Ranma always get the girls? Was it because chicks really _did_ dig assholes? Did nice guys _really_ finish last? As he contemplated this he was struck by something: Ukyo. With a tackle that would have brought a tear to the eye of even the most insane high school football coach, she knocked him onto his back and straddling his hips she fisted both of her hands into his shirt and shook him violently back and forth.

"YOU!"

+SHAKE-SHAKE+

"BASTARD!"

+SHAKE-SHAKE+

"YOU!"

+SHAKE-SHAKE+

"LEFT!"

+SHAKE-SHAKE+

"ME!"

+SHAKE-SHAKE+

"I!"

+SHAKE-SHAKE+

"WAS!"

+SHAKE-SHAKE+

"SO!"

+SHAKE-SHAKE+

"WORRIED!"

+SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE++SHAKE-SHAKE+

Finally she stopped shaking and pulled him into an embrace.

"Does this mean you're not dumping me?" questioned Ryoga once his head had stopped spinning.

"Yes." she whispered into his ear.

"Um...yes you are or yes you're not?" she rolled her eyes.

"No, I'm not dumping you."

"But Ranma..." he protested.

"It wasn't Ranma, it was his mother."

"Oh." said Ryoga, as if that explained everything. She continued.

"You'd know that if you'd bothered to listen to the rest of the conversation." She paused in thought for a second then smacked him upside the head and frowned.

"Ow."he protested, but she continued unsympathetically.

"and what kind of girl do you think I am that I would run off with some other guy after all we've been through?"

"So then..."asked Ryoga, still a little behind. Ukyo groaned.

"I love _**YOU**_, you stupid jackass!" then she kissed him passionately. After several minutes, when they needed air Ryoga said:

"Um...Ukyo, could you get off of me?"

"Why?" she answered in a husky voice.

"Everyone's staring at us." she looked up and saw the crowd gathered around watching the young chef straddling her boyfriend's lap in the middle of the street. She turned a deep crimson and instantly jumped to her feet. She laughed nervously, rubbed the back of her neck and jerked Ryoga up onto his feet.

"Miss," inquired the man from before, who had followed her outside. "My food?"

THE END

**Epilogue:**

**For Those About to Rock...(what?)**

_Two weeks later, in the mountains of Japan:_

"Bakusai Tenketsu!"

+CRACK+

"Whoo-hoo! I did it!"

"Try it again, just to be sure."

"Bakusai Tenketsu!"

+CRACK+

"That's great Ukyo. Now I'll untie you."

"Hurry, these ropes chafe." he cut the ropes holding her to the rock. And flushed lightly as she stretched her stiff limbs.

"Um, Ukyo, there's one thing I've been meaning to ask you."

"Yes?" She answered in a sultry voice. He continued obliviously.

"Why did you only bring one tent?"

She showed him. All night, the next day, and part of the day after that.

* * *

**A/N: thats it, I'm done, and like Apollo Creed said at the end of Rocky "ain't gonna be no rematch." of course after that they had three more fights, but still, I'm out of ideas.**

**FangirlLynHibiki: fan art would be awesome, please tell when it's finished and where I can go look at it.**

**I'd like to thank some people so feel free to skip this bit:**

**Ninnik Nishukan; who's support early on kept me from quitting.**

**Tigerdreams and ClanCrusher for all their help and general beta-ing without which I would have quit.**

**My regular readers, all 300 of you, who kept me from quitting.**

**Everyone who reviewed, for not being H8rs and who also kept me from quiting,**

**My idiot buddy Dana, who would have made fun of me had I quit.**

**And Takahashi-obasan(sp) for creating the characters and not putting them together, thus giving me a reason to write this.**

**~swartzwald.**


End file.
